Understanding My Emotions

Two weeks ago, I decided to take a shower each day and get dressed like I'm going to work or somewhere. This made a major improvement on how I felt and how I was going to seize the day. It's amazing how a few simple changes can alter your trajectory. Bear in mind, I'm still on short term disability and have nothing on my plate but to get better. Rather than sit and watch TV (I admit I didn’t eliminate that completely), I cleaned the house and kept myself occupied with activities via Amazon. I will post these activities in another section to give ideas.

Let's get to the root why I'm posting. I am battling emotions that are hard to comprehend. One day, I feel on top of the world, happy and productive. The next day, I feel worthless, that I don't have meaning and my future seems dismal. My doctor told me this is normal because I've been through trauma and my brain is trying to wire things back together. My emotions will be all over the place while this happens. So, my rational side cheers for the good days and brushes off the bad because to me it's fleeting. I'm scared others won't understand this period or adjustment because a due date of being healed is not given, if ever. This doesn't mean I'm going to be unhinged, but when I'm at home with privacy, I will let out those tears because I refuse to suppress them.

I am strong and I've always been a fighter. This stroke has forced my hand to see and feel it. I believe this will make me a better version of myself than before. So, if you see me happy with what I've done, be happy with me. If you see me struggle, try to be compassionate. I promise to return the same support.

Largely human emotions are stigmatized. For this reason, humanity struggles to heal, progress, unite until we grasp emotional intelligence. Right now, I'm going to have a good cry, wipe my eyes and surround myself with things and people who make me happy.

I will leave you with this:

“It is only in our darkest hours that we may discover the true strength of the brilliant light within ourselves that can never, ever, be dimmed.” – Doe Zantamata

I love this quote because I have been through hell. In this time, I discovered so much of myself that I never knew. I have been crawling with all my might through the dark trenches, proving to myself that I'm not what happened to me, but I am how I came out.

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