Gone are the days of waking up, pouring a cup of coffee, straightening the place up and watching Fox 4 and Kelly and Ryan. Afterwards, shower, dress up and blog, anxiously waiting for my mom to come over and watch more junk TV shows. You know
what? That’s ok.
Today was my first day back at work since the end of January. I had nerves when I woke up not knowing what I was going to come back to. Would I be lost? Would I remember what to do? Did the stroke impair my thinking capability? Would there be too much information to soak in? The second I logged in my first meeting; my feelings quickly subsided. I saw familiar faces and heard their voices. It was the best feeling in the world to reconnect with people I have worked with for years- I missed them. They took over my workload and checked on me. They made sure I was ready to come back and happy to see me. As soon as our meeting was over, I got back into the system and everything came back to me like nothing ever happened. It felt good to do something other than watch TV and do crossword puzzles to occupy my time. I had that thirst to contribute again and relieve my co-worker from taking on double duty. As the day went on and more meetings staggered in, and I just smiled looking at faces and hearing other people speak.
A couple months ago, I didn’t think I would get to this place. Heck, a couple weeks ago I didn’t think I would be ready. One day I woke up and said, I must be ready, or I will be stuck in this loop. My mind was functioning, I was capable, so why not? My only challenge- stroke fatigue. This comes out of the blue and wipes you out. I generally feel it most of the day. Something was different today, however. I typed away and read through documents with a drive that I haven’t felt in a while. My mind was preserving thus warding off the fatigue. My dogs however didn’t care for this brand-new vivacity because I couldn’t devote anytime to them as normal. I made sure to showcase one of them during my second meeting. Let’s say he didn’t like it and laid in the corner peeved for most of the day. Maybe he was upset with the lack of haircut.
After dealing with the repugnance from my beloved dogs, I wrapped up my first day and the fatigue hit me hard and I wanted to crawl in a ball and sleep. My best friend called to check on me. After talking, I thought, I don’t want to rest. I can’t get in the groove of work/sleep, work/sleep and repeat. I know that I’m ordered to rest and let my body heal, and I will make sure I do that, but I want to get back to normal as I can. I will take little naps after work when I can, but eventually when the world heals, I want to run in the sun and enjoy my day. That was my favorite part of work. Sitting in the freezing cold office that I entitled Antartica, I would rush out the doors to feel the heat immediately hit me. I even enjoyed roasting in my car for a moment in the parking lot as I let the herd of cars leave. I felt rejuvenated, ready to continue my evening.
So, tomorrow starts another day, and I’m sure it will be the same as today. Getting the gratification of getting work done and talking to people that I miss. During my leave, I brainstormed ways to improve and came up with new things. I want to share these ideas even if they are ridiculous.
Furthermore, this stroke and everything that happened taught me a lesson. The lesson- Zen. I used to get frustrated with myself if something wasn’t going right, even if it was out of my hands. Now, I am focused to do the best but breathe in and out when things don’t move right. My God, I’m happy to be alive, have a job, my job allowing me time to heal and let me back and make sure I’m ok. How could I not appreciate all these things?
Overall, I honestly can’t wait for the day when we all go back to the office to see each other. I love my team, miss them and think of them as a second family. I appreciate all their support for me. So, across-the-board, I’m so happy to be back at work.